Thursday, May 25, 2017
As we were getting settled in the car from a normal Friday afternoon park day (months ago by the way), my oldest daughter (13 at the time) asked, "Mom, can I tell you something?" She then preceded to tell me, "I was playing and then coming up to find you and I overheard someone's mom talking about me with other moms." I then preceded to ask her what she heard, who she heard it from, and so forth. At that point, I just told her that I'm sorry she heard that, we don't want to be like that, and to let it roll off her back and move on. When kids are doing it to kids, or even when moms are doing it with moms...it can be easy to dismiss it and move on. However, when moms are talking about children...sometimes it is easier said than done for sure, especially on my end as a mother.
I bring this topic up, because today I had a an old friend message me and tell me about a very similar situation. However, I think it is a bit worse. I don't need to go into all of it, I shouldn't. However, I do want to say that in this particular situation the mom was gossiping, talking bad about, and encouraging other girls to share insults about my friend's daughter. That right there should really speak volumes and set off a few red flags.
Are we breeding "mean girls"? Have you ever heard "I got it from my mama?" I don't think that children are mean intentionally. However, I do have to question lately from hearing or seeing situations this year, do girls learn how to be mean from their moms?
In a world of social media, sometimes I think it can breed feelings of competitiveness, not only amongst kids, but adults as well. I think it also can stir some jealousy and insecurities in both kids and adults. And "where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." - James 3:16
For my friend's daughter and my own daughter, I feel as if they have such strong personalities, and the qualities they possess like being outgoing, self driven, determined, and good at sports make them targets unfortunately. They succeed at what they do but want everyone to like them, so while they try to make friends and be nice, it doesn't always work out that way. All kids are going to be kids, make mistakes, and going to have to learn to get through insecurities or jealous feelings. In the mean time, could we as moms not sit and tear other children down along with them to make our kids or ourselves feel better? We're supposed to be the adults. Maybe we can teach them to give compliments, praise, root for the underdog or even the one that is good at everything, everyone hates her. Maybe we as adults shouldn't be "judging" children. Maybe you don't like the mom of the child, but that's not the child's fault.
I know that I am not perfect, I remember just a little while ago in the car that I strike up a conversation with my husband and my husband had to stop me and say, "Is this a mom of one of the kids' friends? We need to stop this conversation and wait until we get home away from the kids." He was absolutely right! So we ended the conversation and waited until we were away from our kids. We need to be aware of ourselves, whether that's in talks with other moms, children, and even social media. Our children hear us, observe us, and mimic us. They hear us venting to our husband about another person that may be driving you up the wall. They hear you gossiping on the phone to another mom about a situation. Let's be truthful, sometimes we need to vent...whether that's to a husband or a friend. We're all still learning how to handle emotions. What I am saying is, DON'T do it front of your children, your daughters. Your children become a product of everything they hear. They become a product of you.
Posted by Candace Weir at 9:34:00 PM